Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
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BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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