Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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