I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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