Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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