SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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