the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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