she was so not down for the gang bang
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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