Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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