apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize