dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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