You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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