You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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