This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize