It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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