I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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