You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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