He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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