Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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