forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize