There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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