I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize