Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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