mondays should just be called national damage control day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize