She is in my trunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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