I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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