two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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