His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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