Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize