Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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