well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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