if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize