An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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