Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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