Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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