Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want to make a zoo with you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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