"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize