people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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