I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize