I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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