in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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