Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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