Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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