Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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