Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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(847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0

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(647): View more from Ontario

You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

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(647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. http://tfl.nu/1lek

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(317): View more from Indiana

We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.

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(317): We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us. http://tfl.nu/q48d

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(214): View more from Texas

Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

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(214): Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious http://tfl.nu/ofzu

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(217): View more from Illinois

I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.

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(217): I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral. http://tfl.nu/5sn1

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.

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(321): as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels. http://tfl.nu/o5u7

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(845): View more from New York

Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.

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(845): Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there. http://tfl.nu/s3qt

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.

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(412): i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule. http://tfl.nu/st8v

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(204): View more from Manitoba

God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels

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(204): God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels http://tfl.nu/dxhw

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(304): View more from West Virginia

"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins

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(304): "So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins http://tfl.nu/eetx

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(317): View more from Indiana

The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Ya that ship has sailed dude

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(317): The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh. (1-317): Ya that ship has sailed dude http://tfl.nu/5hyc

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(207): View more from Maine

When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.

(1-207): View more from Maine

That's not what Jesus is for

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(207): When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck. (1-207): That's not what Jesus is for http://tfl.nu/8stw

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(703): View more from Virginia

The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am

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(703): The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am http://tfl.nu/d51l

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(207): View more from Maine

I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.

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(207): I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night. http://tfl.nu/1vni

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(+46): View more from Sweden

Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving

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(+46): Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving http://tfl.nu/pqr1

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