I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
do nipples grow back?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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