Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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