The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize