Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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