So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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