you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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